Friday, November 8, 2013

He already knows but...

By: Yna Leon
A reply to Inah Evans' status: Someday he's going to know.

He already knows when my birthday is and even changes the date to annoy me then gives me the sweetest hug when I get grouchy. He already knows my middle name and even pronounces my whole name with a Spanish gangster accent. He knows where I was born coz he has seen my incomplete birth certificate. He already knows my parent's name, how they met and even knows the musical instruments they play. He already knows the quirky pets I've had and how funny they were when I had one. He knows how I enjoyed high school and knows that I was a little tomboy back then. He knows the color of my eye, the scars I have and the stories behind them, the freckles on my hand that he noticed when we were riding a cab, my laugh lines and the line in the middle of my nose, my birthmarks and my moles. He already knows my love for art, my passion in doodling, the feel good movies I like and the scary movies that I won't watch with him. He already knows the food I love and the songs I sing so often. He already knows my phobias especially my fear of lizards. He already knows my dreams, my fears and my wishes. He already knows my worries and he gives me an assurance that everything will be alright and that he will always be there for me. He already knows about my first heartbreak coz he was there when I was crying about it. He already knows the problems with my family and that I want to have a family of my own too very soon. He already knows my strengths as a person and as a leader, he also knows my weaknesses and boosts my confidence to overcome them. He already knows my laziness especially my hatred to wash the dishes so he does the dishes for me. He already knows when I am sad, mad and thinking so he asks me about it. He already knows how erratic and unpredictable I am but still knows what I am thinking of and accepts me no matter what. He already knows my love for mayonnaise and how I mix ketchup with it to dip fried food. He already knows my bad habits and mannerisms especially how I rub the pillow case or blanket on my nose. He already knows my stroppy and whatever pouts. He already knows my facial expression together with my deep breathes. He already knows my laughs and he smiles when I do. The way I chew, drink, walk, fidget and kiss. He already knows how I snore and sleep so when I am asleep he doesn’t move a muscle and let me sleep all I want. He already knows that I’ve picked a baby’s name and knows that I want a boy for a first born. He already knows, gets annoyed at then accepts that I make sudden decisions. He already knows my Jollibee and Mc Donald’s orders, that I don’t want the chicken skin and egg yolks so he eats them for me. He already knows some but not everything. It’s sad that he already knows a lot but can’t know me from top to bottom and inside out. Because the time we spent learning, sharing, listening and watching isn’t enough. I wish that he’ll know every single thing there is to know about me, and you know what else? I hope that once he learns all of it, he’s still going to LOVE me. I want that someone too Inah but I guess I won't have him anytime soon :/

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The colorful monster

Your eyes, they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your words, they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your gums they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your big mouth they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
I bet you yellow you're scared,
I bet you violet you're dead.
I bet you my pink it's changed.
I stick my toungue out it's rainbow.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Saturday, October 12, 2013

The "Oh! Ang Lalake Nga Naman" realization

12:00pm today.
I just realized how men can really be a pig sometimes even if they are the nicest person in the whole wide world. Now I can really say that men are liars. They really are. They can lie in your face so easily. Okay, I won't generalize that. Just rephrase it by adding the word "some" or "most" to the word men.

I asked myself this question: What makes them lie?

One reason that I can think of is that they are just inborn liars. Another reason is to protect themselves from whatever they are protecting themselves from. One more reason, which I think I am convincing myself that this is the reason why I was lied to but in reality I really dont know why, is because they don't want us to get hurt. I really think it is pathetic when they would use "I don't want you to get hurt" as a reason because if we eventually find out that they lied to us it is two times or unmeasurably painful. Right? I thought so.
Right now, it is already 1:15pm. I am still confused on what I should do but I have a clear picture of what is the right thing to do. Emotions. Oh thou a heartless bitch. Good luck to me.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

While a tear rolls down my right cheek.

I am giving myself 2 months to move on if everything fails this month.
You still have twenty five days to decide.
2014 should be dedicated to myself and to someone who truly deserves my time, attention, efforts and most of all, my heart.
I have learned to use pain as a reason to move on so I am going to use that if everything is still fucked up. But right now, the last 25 days, will be a challenge. A challenge to you and a challenge to me.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Should I give up without putting up a fight?

I ask myself that question over and over and over again but I think it is useless. I also think of holding on even if there is no hope at all. I want my happiness back. I want the old me back but I forgot how I was before you came. I know you are not the only source of my happiness but you are pretty much most of it. I try to remove you from my head by thinking of the pain I have experienced with you but I just can't. Thoughts of you haunt me in my sleep. Thoughts of you burns my heart with pain. I hug my pillow tight forcing myself to forget and ease the pain but I just can't. It has been three days since and I know it will take me a lot of time to move on. You see everything I do involves you. Everything I do I see you. I am in so much pain. I swear. I am still hoping but I know you are trying to forget me. So I will try to do the same. I will try. If I can't do it, I will cry.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10