Friday, November 8, 2013

He already knows but...

By: Yna Leon
A reply to Inah Evans' status: Someday he's going to know.

He already knows when my birthday is and even changes the date to annoy me then gives me the sweetest hug when I get grouchy. He already knows my middle name and even pronounces my whole name with a Spanish gangster accent. He knows where I was born coz he has seen my incomplete birth certificate. He already knows my parent's name, how they met and even knows the musical instruments they play. He already knows the quirky pets I've had and how funny they were when I had one. He knows how I enjoyed high school and knows that I was a little tomboy back then. He knows the color of my eye, the scars I have and the stories behind them, the freckles on my hand that he noticed when we were riding a cab, my laugh lines and the line in the middle of my nose, my birthmarks and my moles. He already knows my love for art, my passion in doodling, the feel good movies I like and the scary movies that I won't watch with him. He already knows the food I love and the songs I sing so often. He already knows my phobias especially my fear of lizards. He already knows my dreams, my fears and my wishes. He already knows my worries and he gives me an assurance that everything will be alright and that he will always be there for me. He already knows about my first heartbreak coz he was there when I was crying about it. He already knows the problems with my family and that I want to have a family of my own too very soon. He already knows my strengths as a person and as a leader, he also knows my weaknesses and boosts my confidence to overcome them. He already knows my laziness especially my hatred to wash the dishes so he does the dishes for me. He already knows when I am sad, mad and thinking so he asks me about it. He already knows how erratic and unpredictable I am but still knows what I am thinking of and accepts me no matter what. He already knows my love for mayonnaise and how I mix ketchup with it to dip fried food. He already knows my bad habits and mannerisms especially how I rub the pillow case or blanket on my nose. He already knows my stroppy and whatever pouts. He already knows my facial expression together with my deep breathes. He already knows my laughs and he smiles when I do. The way I chew, drink, walk, fidget and kiss. He already knows how I snore and sleep so when I am asleep he doesn’t move a muscle and let me sleep all I want. He already knows that I’ve picked a baby’s name and knows that I want a boy for a first born. He already knows, gets annoyed at then accepts that I make sudden decisions. He already knows my Jollibee and Mc Donald’s orders, that I don’t want the chicken skin and egg yolks so he eats them for me. He already knows some but not everything. It’s sad that he already knows a lot but can’t know me from top to bottom and inside out. Because the time we spent learning, sharing, listening and watching isn’t enough. I wish that he’ll know every single thing there is to know about me, and you know what else? I hope that once he learns all of it, he’s still going to LOVE me. I want that someone too Inah but I guess I won't have him anytime soon :/

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The colorful monster

Your eyes, they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your words, they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your gums they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
Your big mouth they're full of it,
Green of jealousy, red of anger,
I bet you yellow you're scared,
I bet you violet you're dead.
I bet you my pink it's changed.
I stick my toungue out it's rainbow.

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Saturday, October 12, 2013

The "Oh! Ang Lalake Nga Naman" realization

12:00pm today.
I just realized how men can really be a pig sometimes even if they are the nicest person in the whole wide world. Now I can really say that men are liars. They really are. They can lie in your face so easily. Okay, I won't generalize that. Just rephrase it by adding the word "some" or "most" to the word men.

I asked myself this question: What makes them lie?

One reason that I can think of is that they are just inborn liars. Another reason is to protect themselves from whatever they are protecting themselves from. One more reason, which I think I am convincing myself that this is the reason why I was lied to but in reality I really dont know why, is because they don't want us to get hurt. I really think it is pathetic when they would use "I don't want you to get hurt" as a reason because if we eventually find out that they lied to us it is two times or unmeasurably painful. Right? I thought so.
Right now, it is already 1:15pm. I am still confused on what I should do but I have a clear picture of what is the right thing to do. Emotions. Oh thou a heartless bitch. Good luck to me.

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Tuesday, October 8, 2013

While a tear rolls down my right cheek.

I am giving myself 2 months to move on if everything fails this month.
You still have twenty five days to decide.
2014 should be dedicated to myself and to someone who truly deserves my time, attention, efforts and most of all, my heart.
I have learned to use pain as a reason to move on so I am going to use that if everything is still fucked up. But right now, the last 25 days, will be a challenge. A challenge to you and a challenge to me.

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Sunday, October 6, 2013

Should I give up without putting up a fight?

I ask myself that question over and over and over again but I think it is useless. I also think of holding on even if there is no hope at all. I want my happiness back. I want the old me back but I forgot how I was before you came. I know you are not the only source of my happiness but you are pretty much most of it. I try to remove you from my head by thinking of the pain I have experienced with you but I just can't. Thoughts of you haunt me in my sleep. Thoughts of you burns my heart with pain. I hug my pillow tight forcing myself to forget and ease the pain but I just can't. It has been three days since and I know it will take me a lot of time to move on. You see everything I do involves you. Everything I do I see you. I am in so much pain. I swear. I am still hoping but I know you are trying to forget me. So I will try to do the same. I will try. If I can't do it, I will cry.

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NGIMAY

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Why?

I cry and pray to the Gods for them to give you to me.
You are my soulmate, my destiny and my only love.
I guess they are punishing me because obviously you are not with me.
I am hurting because you have made your decision.
I am hurting because I am left hanging.
I wish for an explanation.
:(

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Desire

You are.

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Monday, September 30, 2013

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Alaala


Tapos na ang tagbisi at tigib na tigib nanaman ng tubig ang dike malapit saatin. Naiwaglit ko na sa aking isip ang iyong pagliban ngunit biglaang naalala kita. Ano kayaang kalagayan mo ngayon? Ang tanong ko habang palakdaw-lakdaw kong pinagmamasdan ang mga larawang nakalimutan kong burahin kahapon. Pilit kong ginugunita ang pakiramdam nung kasakasama pa kita ngunit isang malaking patlang lamang ang naaalala ko. Sandaling tumigil ang pagiisip ko at nagulat nalang ako sa naganap at nagaganap. Medyo napamura ako. Ano ang nangyari? Napapikit at napabuntonghininga nalang ako. Kahit ano pa man ang nangyari mayroon tayong pinagsaluhang masasaya at malulungkot na napakaraming araw, buwan at taon kaya’t hinding hindi kita makakalimutan. Isa kang alaalang nakaukit sa aking isip. Alaala na lamang.
Para ki.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

good day to you sir

Today is the first day of the last day that I will reminisce. I guess so. I sincerely hope I can move fast. Faster than how I fell. Good night and good day to you sir

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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

September Ends

I don't know if it's finally like finally over.
I just know it's hurting me.
I need to end this thing coz we started wrong.
Maybe just maybe in the future we can continue whatever this is.
But now we have to stop and start all over again.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

A walk jog laugh day

Everything is more fun if things happen just because it happened and not because it is planned. Today I decided to jog not knowing eho to see or what to do afterwards. I then saw Ely and Chaniboy, two of the closest friends I have, and we just decided to jog to John Hay and south drive. I know I was going to have a lot of fun, which I did, coz of Chaniboy. I forget all my problems when I laugh so hard. Of porn conversatios and checking out of girls jiggly butts jogging like a lost bunny. Ely was silently laughing the whole time. We then decided to eat breakfast.. wait for it... buffet. Yes! Eat all we can bacon, egg, longganisa, pancake and the like. My tummy hurts but the company, conversation, laughter and experience was worth it! I love my Sunday and am off to the sports fest event!

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The Evil Hannya and The Crane Girl

Complicated yet beautiful.
FAVORITE MISTAKE.
BEAUTIFUL DISASTER.

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My neighbor

They hate my music.
They hate it when I have visitors.
They complain all the time.
They tell on me to our land lady.
They snore too loud.
I want to bang the freaking wall when they're asleep.
I want them to leave.
I hate them because they are them.

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Bopis

Pangalawang beses nang nasasaktan ang aking puso ngayon taon. Durog na durog na sya na parang bopis. Mas masakit itong pangalawa kasi bukod sa may peklat ako ng kahapon, parang tinusok at nilaslas pa ang peklat na iyon dahil mas gusto ko na sana to ngunit kulang ang nakukuha kong pagmamahal at maling mali ang aming ginagawa. Nakakapagtaka lamang kasi hindi ako umiiyak. Unti unti narin siguro nagkakaroon ng kalyo ang aking pakiramdam. Unti unti nang natuturuan ng isip ko ang aking puso na maging matatag. Paulit ulit lang pala dapat na masaktan upang masanay at tuluyan nang masanay sa mundong puno ng pagsubok.

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Friday, August 2, 2013

The crane girl

She's hurt but she's still strong.
She's cried but she's wiped em tears.
She's tired but she' stopping coz it's finished.

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Thursday, August 1, 2013

Monday, June 3, 2013

Harder then gently

Wake up and search for my name,
Send me a sweet message,
Tell me how you like me,
How I make you feel,
How you wanna hold me.
Come over now and hug me,
Hug me tighter than before,
Whisper to me what you want,
How you want it and where you want it,
Kiss me gently, harder then gently.
Make me long for you,
Make me feel that without you,
Even without the thoughts of you,
Will make me incomplete

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Czarina Leon Portfolio 2013 III

These are some of the pictures I've taken.
PLEASE CLICK ON THEM TO VIEW LARGER VERSION.

















Czarina Leon Porfolio 2013 II


 These are some of the artworks/Graphic Arts I've made.
PLEASE CLICK ON THEM TO VIEW LARGER VERSION.